Death must be so satisfying, I am patiently waiting for that satisfactory moment when I close my eyes never to open them again. I mean it is not that I want to die. If anything, I want to live. I am really just tired of being me, someone who can’t achieve anything of worth a privileged individual who could have done so much more with what I had but instead fell into a spiral of self loathing and ineptitude.
I say that I want to die so much that it may just as well be my mantra, but I know for a fact that it’s just shorthand for wanting to be special to be needed to be important to be wanted.
Falling short of these expectations of mine as well of the others and feeling unimportant and alone at my age as well be a corporal sin punishable by death. I probably don’t deserve this life so I go on saying I want to die.
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