My trust has been misused so badly. I always feel like I’m being lied to. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. No matter how much my friends force me to hang out with them, I lie to them that my parents are not allowing. I have to mentally prepare myself days before I have to go out even we be talking about neighbors.
My therapist pleaded me to come to therapy. But you see I’m at that point where I don’t want help anymore. I’ve lost interest in almost everything I used to enjoy. I’m not watching anime. I love to sing but I don’t sing anymore. I don’t play my ukulele anymore. I just pretend to be the cool kid who takes interest in everything. I don’t have the will to even live. I’m reading novels because they’re part of my course, else I’ve even lost interest in literature. I am just dragging myself through life. I am just waiting for my time to come.
I do not feel anything anymore, I just hope my life is short. I do not care about expectations, grades, enjoyment, memories. Life was good when I could feel something, but now I cannot even cry anymore, laugh , show anger of any other emotion. I am more like a hollow person now. I also no longer feel the need to explain myself to anyone or what goes in my heart and mind. I do not want friends, expensive food and clothes and all that. I have no longer expectations from anyone. My trust has been screwed up so much that I feel like I am getting played.
I trusted many people, there was not a single person who didn’t let me down. I really want to even cut off with the only few people I know. No one can win my heart over ever again. Now everyone thinks I am dry, I’m rude. But the thing is I’ve stopped caring. I am glad we only live once, I can’t do this again.
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