Seperation

  I was never close to baba neither was my brother, we still aren’t close to him. But we are a lil close to our mom. Baba’s job never gave us a chance to get attached to him. Baba shifted to Saudi Arabia when I was born. I never saw him till I grew a little and I failed to recognize him since baba was a new person to me. It was like an embarrassment for me that my baba doesn’t live with me.

 I was asthmatic and I spent most of my childhood in the hospital. My mother was and still is a working woman. She used to stay up all night since I was a really quiet kid and it was dangerous because my asthma attacks would give my family Heart attacks, my eyes would roll up and my family would get numb. Late nights in hospitals. Then staying there for weeks and not having your baba with you that moment. I used to ask amma that why isn’t my baba here with me, but why dads of other children are. Money is not important, love, compassion and staying together is. I used to ask amma when will baba come back home. Why does he live so far away and amma would just he will be back soon. Never knew I’d get used to it. His career was stupid, stupid enough to keep him away from amma my brother and I. 

Money can’t buy us happiness. My brother still had company, I didn’t, no one in school ever liked to be friends with me. And I used to think it’s because my baba isn’t around. My father would send us expensive gifts but fuck it we need you baba not your gifts. According to my brother and I, only my nani raised us, not even our amma since she was also a busy woman. Sometimes my asthmatic attacks would be so serious that amma would break down to tears and when baba would know he would drive to Makkah since he lived in Jeddah and it was about 30 minutes drive. He would go there and cry and ask for help from Allah. My naani would try her best to protect my brother and I and keep us happy. The chocolates and other gifts baba used to send us, amma would mostly give away to cousins, Naani got mad and said “in kaa baap in keh paas nai rehta, inki yeh choti si khushi hai jo inhain yeh gifts bhejta hai. In bachon ki cheezain inkeh baap ka paisa hai, sirf in ka haq” 

Whatever the consequences, my parents sacrificed a lot but for my future. I do not know who to blame but when I become a parent, I’ll make sure it all goes side by side, hard work for my children’s future and family time.