self love

 I don't remember the last time I ate because I was Hungry. For all I remember is eating each time I would be sad, uncomfortable, stressed, bored, tired.

Whatever the problem was, the answer would always be in the fridge.

Minor inconveniences piled on each other, so did the pounds.

The weight on the scale went up, and my self esteem down.

The day would be spent eating the junk in bed, watching something for hours till my eyes would be blurry and my back woulf hurt.

I would get up to see the mirror, knowing what I was doing to myself yet unable to stop.

It was like a toxic cycle. I wanted to stop. But drowning my demons in Coke was the only way I knew. Food was not for nutrition, it was for survival.

My camera roll would have more pictures of my body-checks, and face from different angle, all sorted date vice to compare how fat have I got compared to last week.

I don't remember when was the last time I looked into the mirror and the first thing I noticed was how pretty my face is or how beautiful my eyes are, for the only thing I would immediately focus on was if I am looking fat from that certain angle.

My lack of self love subotaged all my relationships and friendships. I started to withdraw myself from social gathering, meetups and interactions because my self image was so distraughted that I didn't want anyone to see me the way I saw myself.

Took me years to realize that if you don't love yourself no one will. No matter how beautiful you are, if you present your self-diagnosed flaws and insecurities to someone on a golden platter, they are going to eat it.

If you keep pointing things that you don't love about yourself, in the start people will oppose it, but will gradually start to see you that way.

People have to the psychology to see what you show them. So love yourself publicly till you learn how to do it in private as well.

Fake it till you make it.

You don't have any other option.

You have to love yourself, or watch everyone else fall out of love with you as well.